The Romney Rule

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What we now know that we knew....

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Almost Like Being There Without the Smoke and Bourbon

in response to a few requests i have been attempting to record my weekly Frutti Pop session, but to no avail. every week i bring a different cable, think up a different set-up, and every week i fail, utterly and completely. so i have started recording a few short segments that represent some of my favorite mixes right now, or the mixes i go to when i feel lost and need familiar ground.

i predicted years ago that if i dj'd weekly it would begin to feel like a chore and i was right, mostly because i use my computer instead of turntables. but as far as chores go it's a pretty sweet one: i play music for a few hours while people bring me glasses of bourbon. i have lived worse lives. the next step is finding a gig that pays well, perhaps with occasional travel obligations. i wish me luck. i have stopped preparing much for the night. i find myself more excited by making the flier every week than putting together mixes. my preparation now consists mostly of listening to music while i do other things, making mental notes, moving a bunch of random music into a folder, and then opening five windows as i dj. i usually have no idea what i'm playing next, and the bourbon doesn't help that. i don't get nervous, even when the beta version of my mixing program shuts down, perhaps the bourbon does help with that.

the mixes are imperfect, but close enough.

three of the segments are in one location:
i don´t have all of the track information (computer accessory malfunction), that will come later.

tanya dynomite is;

• tanya stephens
• mia mixed my diplo
• nerd-lapdance
• lone catalyst w/j live- dynomite

meth trick is:

• method man and busta rhymes- what´s happenin
• common- what a world
• vanity six- nasty girl remix
• kellis w/ elephant man- trick me

santowegue is:

• santogold-creator remix
• buraka som sistema- (wegue wegue)
• ?-dj blaqstar mix
• pixies- hey (diplo devil remix)
• amy winehouse- bugz in the attic remix

the fourth is by itself

it´s two different santogold remixes of the same song and a couple versions of lil´mama´s lip gloss. it´s my guilty pleasure.

Comics--Saving Lives and Improving Vocab Since 547 b.c.

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I Would SO Do Him, in a Parallel Universe.

I have been kicking a term around in my head for a while without quite being able to define it: inappropriate crush. By that I don't mean people who cause mating desires on sight, or that you avoid when you're with your spouse. In a sense they are people that I admire or respect, but there's something more to it. My list of inappropriate crushes includes:

• Helen Thomas
• Stephen Colbert
• Rachel Maddow
• Paul Krugman
  
• Neil deGrasse Tyson

I don't reach out to any of these people when in need of sexual fantasy, thus the inappropriate, but I had trouble articulating what I meant by crush. I wrote to Rachel Maddow and warned that while I would never get drunk and hit on her at a party, I might turn into a giggly schoolgirl in her presence. But why not Mike Wallace, John Stewart, or Keith Olbermann (and it's not because of his enormous head, I have a big head, I feel affection for big heads). These three have also touched me, soothed me at times, with their ability to give form to my incoherent rage during the last administration, but there's more to it.

Watching Colbert verbally knife or jerk off a guest without changing expression, leaving the guest and the audience unsure which until reflection, leaves me breathing a little heavily. His performance at the correspondent's dinner made them seek the safety of a comedian I hadn't seen since the Love Boat, the following year. That's sexy. Rachel Maddow's ability to go from giggly to 'I will knife you' seriousness in a moment, without losing her cool or composure is simply hot. If you don't believe me, watch the interview with David Frum where he says people like her are the problem with politics and she makes it clear that he's a callow piece of shit, while remaining gracious.

And then it struck me after watching Neil deGrasse Tyson on the Daily Show. I have no desire to sleep with any of my inappropriate crushes, nor they me. However, if I was so inclined and they were, then I would. But it would never happen in this reality. So my inappropriate crushes are people who I admire and respect, and who touch me in that special way that is in no way sexual in this reality, but would be in a parallel 2nd conditional universe.

Tell me this doesn't make you say, "If we were both so inclined in a parallel universe I would do him."

Rey Mago No Mas

Over the last two weeks I spent 35 hours over 5 days playing the role of Balthazar in Badalona, 20 minutes from the heart of Barcelona. My two fellow kings and I were handing out pamphlets from the city govt. reminding citizens to recycle their electronics. It was a heady, trippy experience, which, surprisingly had less to do with the fact that I wore a cape and crown with blinking lights, than with what I represented. Los Reyes Magos, The Magic Kings, the three kings. They are the equivalent of Santa Claus, mythical beings deciding if a child's behavior warrants gifts. But unlike Santa they are actually a part of the story of the birth of Christ. Even in this Catholic post-religious country Los Reyes Magos remain very beloved figures. Catholicism has become like Judaism for many people, the observation is more cultural than religious. It was more gratifying than playing Santa in the US might have been-- the whole Santa's not black thing, but Balthazar is-- and people who would usually render me invisible in the situation looked me in the face, some despite themselves, smiling they took the flier.

Some of my favorite things:

• the old ladies who would tell me conspiritorilly that I was their favorite Rey, which has me wondering if people's favorite king is at all affected by who Franco's favorite king was, or if, in general favoring Balthazar was a small personal form of resistance for people growing up under the dictatorship, especially among the Catalans
• the old lady who demanded a kiss because I had no candy
• the way that people would weave through us to get the pamphlet from their favored king
• the babies who stared at us--from me the same look would say, 'what's up with these guys? Don't they have any idea what they look like?'
• the children who screamed and waved from across streets, cars and trains
• the children who called 'me' out by name
• the children who gave me letters, but especially the letter from Sara, who came running up the street with her older sister as we were disappearing one evening. I waited for her, and it was totally worthwhile. Every other letter was a list of toys and electronic letters. She actually wrote a letter that began: I'm Sara. I belive I have behaved well all year, even though I have made my mother angry sometimes. But I have asked for her forgiveness. She goes on to ask for a doll that pees, and, if I want, I can bring her games because the kids she plays with don't have any. She makes me want to reproduce.
• when kids would speak to me in Catalan, and their parents, seeing the confused look on my face, would repeat in Catalan
  
• the bartender who gave us the 'Reyes special' when we sought shelter from the storm
• my fellow kings. Despite the special circumstances, it will always kinda suck handing out fliers on the cold day
• I didn't have to wear a fake beard or wig

My least favorite things:

• being called 'el negro', the black one, but to a great degree that's just me being a black American. They don't mean anything, they're not being insensitive, necesarrily. They refered to my fellow kings as 'el rubio', and 'el blanco', the red one and the white one, referencing the color of their hair, but still...At least I didn't see any kings in blackface
• the children who cried
• the children who ran
• the people who acted like we were handing out bags of dog shit
• the drunken adults demanding candy
• every adult demanding candy, except the sweet old lady (see above)
• the security guards who kept throwing us out of places, only to later apologize and invite us back in

I'm glad it's over but it was an interesting experience dressing in costume to walk streets and shopping malls.

One man's cheese

So there's this guy staying with my wife and me who is coming from the Canary Islands to see Whitesnake. I know that I'm getting a little ahead of myself, I know that the last entry was over a year ago and mentioned a Danish woman, who's not my wife by the way. I realize that there are a thousand million details (a billion?) that have passed between that entry and this one, but the most important thing is the guy flying 3 hrs and paying a couple hundred Euros to see Whitesnake. When my wife told me I laughed out loud, she looked at me a little as if I has laughed at old man in the street, "What's so funny?" I think I need an American to see the humor, my wife is Canarian also. They all have this interesting, broad musical taste-- all the Canarians, not necessarily all the Spanish folks. There is often in most music collections a strand of what most Americans might call "cheese" (me at least) which they take as seriously as what I like to call real music. My wife is no exception. She has great afro-cuban, middle eastern, african, brasilian, and european jazz that I've never heard, but she also has this painfully cheesy music that she loves and that makes me cringe. It also makes me think, if you have all that great music, why go back to this shit again. I never say it out loud. I like being married. It's just one of the little cultural hmnh?s that make for good philosophical fodder for biking by the beach. But seriously, dude is coming from the Canarys to see Whitesnake.